Have you ever considered writing a children’s picture book? Because children’s picture books are so short, it can be challenging to tell your story effectively. You have limited space, need to use an age-appropriate vocabulary, and your words have to inspire an illustrator to create vivid pictures. Some writers make it look easy, like A.L. Wegwerth, author of I’m Going to Be a Hockey Star. But writing a picture book is a complex undertaking that takes special skill. Fortunately, A.L. Wegwerth has stopped by to share five of her top tips for aspiring picture book writers. Read her tips below.
I write this as an avid picture book reader as well as a picture book author. Iâve also worked in childrenâs publishing for over fifteen years so I have an inside perspective that tends toward practical, and for that reason this advice may resonate with some people and not with others.
Without further ado, here are five quick tips for aspiring picture book writers.
Tip #1: Read, Then Write.
If you want to write a picture book, make sure you read picture books. Lots of them. The quality of picture books produced gets better every year. Soak in each bookâs wisdom, its innovation or its simplicity. Figure out which authors resonate with you and why. Reading widely also has the added benefit of helping you better understand the picture book market in terms of what gets published and potential comps for your book. I canât emphasize enough that if you have a goal of getting your book traditionally published, there needs to be a perceived audience for your book. Which brings me to my next point . . .
Tip #2: Consider Your Audience.
A picture book has two audiences: the child and the parent whose lap the child sits on. Make sure your story has elements that appeal to both. It not only makes bedtime or story time more enjoyable for the parents, but I truly believe it affects your book sales. People are more likely to purchase a book as a gift or recommend it to others if they found it enjoyable (and not just their kid).
Tip #3: Choose Your Words Carefully.
A picture book is a collaboration between an author and illustrator. Make sure your words leave space for the illustrator to tell the story. As a picture book writer, focus on action and dialogue and avoid descriptions unless they are vital to the story (the illustrator can take care of that.) Picture books are great ways to build kidsâ visual literacy (i.e., the ability to read and make sense of visual images). The words and art work together to tell a story; when the words repeat what is in the illustrations, the story becomes redundant.
Tip #4: Keep The Story Moving With Page Turns.
There are so many things I love about the picture book format, but I think my favorite is how effective page turns can be. Page turns aid in pacing and, when done effectively, help keep readers reading. Page turns can act as a cliffhanger, reveal something surprising, add humor, or create excitement or suspense. Use them to your advantage. When writing your picture book, consider the book mapâwhat text will go on each page. Donât forget to leave space for the title page, copyright info, etc.
Tip #5: You Are Not Beholden To Rhyme.
If youâre thinking that you should write your picture book in rhyme, donât. If writing in rhyme doesnât come naturally, please donât try. What are some clues that your rhyme is not working? When sticking to the rhyme scheme dictates the plot of the book. When it feels forced, like when you awkwardly structure sentences simply to maintain the rhyme. Rhyme can also feel overused if youâre using a common rhyme scheme. All this said, if rhyming comes easily to you, by all means run with it. But thereâs nothing that will make me close a book quicker (or, at the very least, groan audibly) than a book with an unnatural or forced rhyme.
These are five tips for picture book writing, but I could have written five hundred. I think the biggest thing that has helped me in my picture writing is to give up the idea of perfectionâespecially on the first draft. Iâve found that the more I write, the better my work becomes. So keep writing!
More About The Book
The very first hockey practice can be a little scary, but not if you are planning to be the worldâs greatest hockey superstar! Follow the action and relish the dreams of a confident young boy as he begins his journey to hockey stardom. See what happens at a hockey practice, learn about the excitement and fun of the game, and experience the lovable chaos of the ice arena. With humor and a little bit of attitude, A.L. Wegwerth has written a great introduction to the sport, while Alana McCarthyâs vivid style brings the game to life for future hockey stars.
Aimed at kids ages 3-7, the story was published by River Horse Books.
A.L. Wegwerth, AKA Amber Ross, writes books for kids that are filled with imagination, playfulness, and humor. She’s a product director by day, a hockey coach by night, a mom 24/7, and an author in the early morning (and whenever else she might fit it in).
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
Welcome to New York Times Bestselling Author Alina Adams, who is returning to the blog to share 5 changes she made to her latest book, My Motherâs Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region. Keep reading to get insight into Alina’s revising strategies on this intriguing historical fiction book, which is rooted in detailed research about a little known chapter of Soviet and Jewish history.Â
Change #1: The Beginning
The first draft of the book which became My Motherâs Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region opened with three chapters setting up the âpresent dayâ sequenceâSan Francisco, CA 1988. (When the bulk of the book takes place in the 1930s and 1940s, 1988 is âmodern.â)
It introduced the heroine, Lena, her difficult relationship with her withholding mother, the death of her beloved father, her teenage daughter, and her controlling husbandâas well as the man who would become a potential love interest in the future. The three chapters went into great detail about why Lena always felt unloved by her mother, and how her faltering marriage got to this state: Lena used to love that her husband made all of her decisions for her. It made her feel that he cared about her in a way that her mother did not. Now she feels smothered. Her husbandâs not the one that changed; Lena is. She knows it and blames herself . . . but she still canât help feeling like she wants out. Itâs guilt about her daughter thatâs making her stay.
However, the feedback I got was to get to the âgood stuffââ the story of Lenaâs mother and her desperate escape to Birobidzhan, the Jewish Autonomous Region on the border between Russia and China in the mid-1930sâfaster.
So the original three chapters became a single prologue which, in the hardback version, now runs a tight 12 pages. I still hit all the main points, but much more compactly. You have to wait for Part Three to get the details. And learn how it all turns out.
Change #2: In the Name of the Father
The first lines of the book read: Lina Mirapolskyâs father was dying. Her husband was trying to get a discount on it.
The newly truncated prologue still opens with the death of Lenaâs dad, and her surprise at the way her mother reacts to it.
In the first draft, Lena has always known that heâs her stepfather and adored him anyway.
In the rewrite, his cryptic, dying words send Lena on a hunt which reveals that the man who raised her wasnât her biological father.
I initially deliberately avoided that, because it felt too cliched, but was ultimately convinced to put it in for the âwhamâ moment which closes out the prologue. Curious to hear what readers think!
Change #3: Straight Ahead
Part Two of My Motherâs Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region follows Lenaâs mother, Regina, from the time a neighbor in her familyâs Moscow communal apartment introduces 12-year-old Regina to the dream of Birobidzhan, getting her involved with the Yiddish-language newspaper she publishes as well as the historic figures committed to the cause of an independent Jewish homeland in the Soviet Union, until 18- year-old Regina is forced to flee Moscow to avoid being arrested along with her neighbor and all their compatriots.
In the original draft, the story is told chronologically. In the published version, we first meet Regina as she is fleeing, and the question of what she is fleeing from is left unanswered until much later in the story, when she is forced to confess all. The idea here is to set up suspense as to why Regina is on the run, what she is hiding, and her reasons for being so secretive with everyone she meets, including the man she starts to fall in love with.
Change #4: Slap, Slap, Kiss, Kiss
In my first pass, Reginaâs initial meeting with her future love interest is full of antagonism. Regina smugly feels she knows whatâs best for Birobidzhan because sheâs read books about it better than Aaron, the man who has lived there for years. This leads to lots of witty banterâthe kind I frankly, love to write. But it also made Regina come off as unlikable. (I was writing her as a know-it-all teen-ager who would eventually come to realize the error of her ways, wise up, mature, and admit her youthful folly. But I guess nobody wants to wait that long.)
Now, Regina is still cryptic with Aaron, but itâs because she has a secret she doesnât want him to discover, and also because she is deliberately turned against him by a third party with his own agenda.
The pair still argues and banters, and I was even able to keep some of the same dialogue. But the context and motivation is different, making her less of a brat, and more of a scared kid.
Change #5: Where the Wind Takes You
My first idea for Reginaâs story was to have it take place exclusively in Birobidzhan. The little-known history of the place, as well as the paranoid atmosphereâanyone could be arrested at any moment, everyone was always spying on their neighbors, loyalties were constantly shifting, and what was politically safe to say one day could, overnight, become treasonâseemed ripe for gripping narrative possibilities.
But then, I decided to up the stakes. Historical fiction, especially featuring Jewish characters, has plundered every aspect of the Holocaust. There isnât nearly as much written about what was happening at the same time in the Soviet Union.
The USSR lost over 24 million people in their âGreat Patriotic War,â roughly half of them military, the other half civilian. The Russians thenâas nowâfight by throwing bodies at the enemy, treating them as disposable. And then there were the Nazi prisoner of war camps. Western powers were signatories to the Geneva convention. The Soviets were not. Even when they were kept in the same camp, American soldiers were treated much better than Soviet ones. (Thereâs a reason there were no Soviet prisoners having a goofy, fun time in Hoganâs Heroes.)
Once I did my research there, I decided to throw my heroes from the frying pan of Josef Stalinâs Great Terror into the fire of a Nazi POW camp.
After all, isnât one aspect of compelling writing to make it seem like things canât get any worse . . . and then make them get worse?
With his dying breath, Lena’s father asks his family a cryptic question: “You couldn’t tell, could you?” After his passing, Lena stumbles upon the answer that changes her life forever.
As her revolutionary neighbor mysteriously disappears during Josef Stalin’s Great Terror purges, 18-year-old Regina suspects that she’s the Kremlin’s next target. Under cover of the night, she flees from her parents’ communal apartment in 1930s Moscow to the 20th century’s first Jewish state, Birobidzhan, on the border between Russia and China. Once there, Regina has to grapple with her preconceived notions of socialism and Judaism while asking herself the eternal question: What do we owe each other? How can we best help one another? While she contends with these queries and struggles to help Birobidzhan establish itself, love and war are on the horizon.
New York Times Bestselling Author Alina Adams draws on her own experiences as a Jewish refugee from Odessa, USSR as she provides readers a rare glimpse into the world’s first Jewish Autonomous Region. My Mother’s Secret is rooted in detailed research about a little known chapter of Soviet and Jewish history while exploring universal themes of identity, love, loss, war, and parenthood. Readers can expect a whirlwind journey as Regina finds herself and her courage within one of the century’s most tumultuous eras.
Alina is the author of soap-opera tie-ins, figure skating mysteries, and romance novels. She was born in Odessa, USSR and moved to the US with her family in 1977. She has covered figure skating for ABC, NBC, ESPN and Lifetime, and worked for the soap-operas As the World Turns, Guiding Light, All My Children, and One Life To Live. Her historical fiction novels, The Nesting Dolls (2020) and My Motherâs Secret: A Novel of the Jewish Autonomous Region are based on a combination of family history and rigorous research.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
Welcome to Justin Doyle who gave us a sneak peek behind the rewrite of his YA space opera, Embargo on Hope. Here are five areas that Justin focused on while editing his science fiction book. Â
Embargo on Hopetook me over fifteen years from first words on paper to publish. I worked on it sporadically until the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and I knew it was time to finally meet that lifelong goal of getting published.
I had never had anyone other than friends and family read it and provide feedback, so my line editor had some work to do. The manuscript was greatly improved by the changes below, and even better, now I know to look out for these things in my future novels (like the sequel, Assassination of Hope, coming this summer!)
This change was a major change suggested by my editor, but it made a huge difference. I had some stilted conversations where I was trying to expose details of the world that added depth and foreshadowed conflict. That included some of the âbutler-and-maidâ dialogue where characters were sharing things they already knew.
I was also limited by my 16-year-old protagonistâs first person perspective. There were simply things he just didnât know or understand, so there wasnât an easy way to introduce it into the narrative.
Finally, this allowed me to keep the story moving along. There were places where the main character was in the middle of something, but I spent a paragraph or two detracting from that thing before getting back. It really broke the flow of the novel.
Change #2: Breaking Up Action With Introspection
I had a lot of go-go-go, where one action scene would lead directly into another. My editor encouraged me to add scenes where the POV character reflected on what happened, how it affected him, and how it affected his goals. The introspection scenes not only gave the reader a chance to âtake a breath,â but it helped each action scene mean more while adding depth to my character. Without the introspection, the action scenes seemed to be there more just for the sake of action.
Change #3: Several Chapters or Chapter Breaks Began With the POV Character Waking Up
When I was first writing, I was getting too hung up on âthis happened, then this happened, then this happened,â even if the âthisâ in the middle wasnât relevant or interesting. AÂ great example of this is I had several chapters or chapter breaks where the character would start by waking up. Itâs unnecessary and honestly a little boring. Just start your chapters a little later where things started happening. I think it was Dan Brownâs Masterclass where he said âstart chapters as late as possible.â He was talking specifically about writing thrillers, but honestly I think it applies to most kinds of modern writing.
Change #4: Added Some Light-hearted/Bonding Scenes
Related to #2, I had so many action/fight scenes, which made each a little less meaningful and didnât allow the characters to build relationships (except in the heat of battle). Adding light-hearted scenes allowed me to show different facets of all of the charactersâ personalities while allowing them to build rapport, and even a love interest relationship. I was also able to use these scenes to write different settings and build some depth in the world.
Change #5: Making Sure Other Main Characters Had Their Own Goals
I think authors fall into a common trap of the character serving one or more plotlines or just the main characterâs interests. My editor encouraged me to make sure not only did the other main characters have their own goals, but that I made them clear in the text. That can be difficult in a first person novel, but it can be used as a growth point for your main character, e.g. realizing the world doesnât revolve around them. It helps explain their motivations and makes them feel more authentic. It can also help with twists – at first, something may seem âout of characterâ but when the reader examines their goals more closely, they realize that it made perfect sense.
5 Stars – This action-packed adventure will fully immerse the reader…Â any fan of science fiction or action-adventure would enjoy this book.” –Â Reader’s Favorite
“…a gifted story that is exceptionally compelling.” –Â D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review
Even gods have secrets…
On planet Vastire, worth is set by the sins of one’s ancestors. Good families rise to the elite and the wicked fall into poverty. Unfortunately for sixteen-year-old Darynn Mark, his father incited a revolution. Now, Darynn scrounges his way through life in the slums. When Vastire is surrounded by an embargo, it gets even harder to survive.
That all changes when an alien ship slips through the embargo, seeking Darynn with an offer: finish the revolution and the embargo ends. He might have a chance thanks to mysterious magic powers, and his two companions: clairvoyant crush Fyra and soldierly alien Kaylaa. Cutthroat killers, mystical beasts, Vampires, power-hungry priests and lords, and self-serving spies stand in their way. If the three of them can crack his father’s secret, maybe they can end the embargo and save the poor. If not, another poor orphan will be added to the growing piles of dead.
More About Justin
Justin was born in Galveston, TX and raised in the Houston area. In middle school, he fell in love with two life-long pursuits: space and writing. He knew he wanted to work at NASA and write science fiction/fantasy on the side, and lo and behold, thatâs exactly what he ended up doing. He graduated from Texas A&M University with a B.S. in Aerospace Engineering, and an M.S. in Systems Engineering. He now works for Barrios Technology as a project engineer on the Gateway program. He lives in the Houston area with his wife, daughter, and various small mammals.
Check out his website starmarked.mailchimpsites.com for more information on him, bonus material in the Star Marked universe, and upcoming releases.
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Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
Hi, my name is Maureen Fisher. As a guest blogger onBehind the Rewrite, Iâm delighted to share my editing experience at Stacy Jubaâs competent hands.
After reading Stacyâs 10-page edit summary of Deadly Thanksgiving (A Senior Sleuth Mystery– Book 2), I realized Iâd committed some unforgivable sins as an author. Aaaaaack!Iâm told my wails terrified dogs five blocks away. After the dogs and finally Iquit howling, I proceeded to consume my body weight in chocolate accompanied bya vast quantity of redwine. I donât recommend this combo.
Once I recovered, I re-read Stacyâs comments andâwith great reluctance and eye rollingâI admitted that yeah,I had to make changes. Major changes.
All joking aside, Stacy Juba conducted what could have been a devastating edit with remarkable gentleness and compassion.Deadly Thanksgivingis now a stronger book, one I can be proud of.
These are mytop five changes, none of which an author wants to hear.
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Change #1: Unsympathetic Protagonist
As backstory, my main protagonist (Clara, a co-owner of Grizzly Gulch Guest Ranch), hadindulged in a short but steamyaffair involving Hawk (a Mountie and her love interest in Deadly Thanksgiving) before fleeing home, dumping him in a text message then ghosting him. At the beginning of the book, they re-connect when a group of guests arrives along with a corpse bungeed into a seat of their mini coach.
Stacy pointed out that it would be helpful if we knew earlier in the story why Clara took off on Hawk without saying goodbye. That way, the reader would understand her motivations. As it stood, the explanation of why sheâd leftcame too late, allowing readers to form an unfavorable impression of her.Also, when she first meets him again, she came across as defensive and a bit antagonistic when heâddone nothing wrong. She was the one who just took off. No wonder he was upset.
No author ever wants to create an unsympathetic protagonist. Itâs amazing how I hadnât realized readers would not regard Clara with as much affection as I did. How could they? Theyâd only just met her.
My Solution:This was a vital, though relatively contained modification. Here is the final version in the scene where Hawk first confronts Clara about the breakup:
âHow did you find me?â I asked.
‘Iâll explain later.âHe removed his red Calgary Flames baseball cap and ran long fingers through his lovely dark hair threaded with more white strands than I remembered. He jammed his cap back on and took a deep breath. âI didnât take you for a coward. A phone call warning me youâd dumped me and flown home, would also have been a nice touch.â His expression spoke of anger and something else, perhaps sadness.
Shame brought heat to my cheeks. Hawk had every right to be upset, but how could I admit Iâd fallen in love with him and done the only thing I could think of to save myself from more heartache. Iâd abandoned the unsettling thrill of romance in favor of safety, something that had been all too lacking during my traumatic childhood and painful marriage. Worse, like the coward I was, Iâd broken the news in a polite text message containing an apology along with an assurance the fault was all mine, not his, because I was too damaged to conduct a normal relationship.
Although Hawk didnât realize it, he was fortunate Iâd stepped out of his life.
âHow did you get assigned to this particular case?â I asked, side-stepping his very valid accusation of cowardice.
Â
Change #2: Faulty Police Procedure
Stacy pointed out that the police procedure in Deadly Thanksgivingdidnât ring true. While it is a cozy mystery, not a police procedural, Hawk came across as unbelievable as a police officer (Mountie) even for a cozy. Although the initial death did not appear to be a murder, procedure would dictate that he interview all of these suspects individually, not just as a group. I couldnât do that because the book is written in my heroineâs point of view (first person), and I wanted readers to meet the suspects during the questioning. Also, it wouldnât be realistic for a Mountie to partner with civilians on a case in an undercover investigation, so Clara couldnât be his accompliceâsomething, as the author, I wanted her to be. Additionally, he wouldnât just be able to simply abandon his other law enforcement duties to work 24/7 on this one case.
My Solution: Instead of making Hawka full-fledgedMountie, he became aretired Mountie and close friend of the officer-in-charge.That way, when several more attempted murdersoccur at Grizzly Gulch Guest Ranch, Hawkis able to pose as a family friend and move into one of the onsite guest suites to keep an eye on matters, essentially acting as an undercover agent. That way, itâs easy for him to participate in brainstorming sessions about the suspects, offer advice, and use his contacts to help move the investigation along.
Â
Change #3: Heroine Needs to Do More Sleuthing, Less Deferring
Stacy gently pointed out that Clara doesnât do much sleuthing other than talk to Hawk about what heâd found out through background checks and calling in favors. The investigation only moves forward because of his sleuthing.As the main protagonist, Clara should find out these things herself.
My Solution: Since Hawk was no longer the Mountie in charge, I was able to swap Clara in as an informal chief investigator. This was probably the most labor-intensive and complicated part of the rewrite as it affected most of the book. At the same time, I had to find alternative activities to keep both Hawk and the Mountie-in-charge busy while reflectingClaraâs expanded role.
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Change #4: Sagging Middle
Stacy mentioned that after a crisis during goat yoga, it felt as if a lot of time was spent on appeasing one of the characters, which made the pacing lag. For a few chapters, not much was happening with the mystery.
My Solution: I chopped a couple of chapters, had Clara placate the aggrieved party with gifts and a heartfelt apology, nothing elaborate involving decisions, planning, and a dramatic execution, none of which moved the plot ahead.
Â
Change #5: Climax is Too Predictable
Stacy said, and I quote, âI liked the twist âĤ but again, we lost the whodunnit/puzzle aspect early in the third act.â
My Solution: Sorry, no spoilers. You must read Deadly Thanksgiving to find out how I solved it and kept the villainâs identity a secret until the last possible moment.
âI had a number of laugh-out-loud moments and once actually, truly, spit out some tea.â
âSo funny I almost had an accident. Laughed and laughed hysterically! Loved it! Absolutely fabulous!â
Hi, Iâm Clara Foster, co-owner and event manager of Albertaâs Grizzly Gulch Guest Ranch. My two sisters and I inherited the place at an age when most sensible women contemplate retirement. No one ever called us sensible.
It has been an uphill struggle. Due to extensive damage from a rogue summer tornado, the only way to avoid foreclosure is to win a lucrative hospitality contest, and that requires multiple five-star reviews. Too bad the arrival of a mini-coach full of geriatric guests, one of them a corpse, threatens to derail our gala Thanksgiving event. Worse, the retired Mountie I dumped four months ago shows up seeking closure.
It soon is apparent (though not provable) that the deceased was murdered, and everyone on board the mini-coach has a motive. To compound matters, this is our second murder of the year. Our slogan might as well be, âTry Grizzly Gulch getaways; theyâre to die for.â Our guests must never learn of another murder or we might as well kiss the contest goodbye and file for bankruptcy.
The only sensible solution is for me to join forcesâand possibly a whole lot moreâwith my former flame to smoke out a killer while hiding the murder from our guests.
Tensions mount when several near-fatal âaccidentsâ occur.
Action bounces from a perilous nature walk to an unfortunate goat yoga incident, a mechanical bull mishap, a savage cat, an electrical malfunction, and a staff medical crisis, all culminating in a Thanksgiving feast our guests will never forget.
Warning: This book may contain nuggets of naughty boomer humor.
Â
More About Maureen
Among other things, Maureen is an author of funny & furry adventures & misadventures, guaranteed to tickle the funny bone, lift the spirits, & warm the heart! All her books contain characters you can relate to, an animal or two, and always tons of humor. As Charlie Chaplin once said, âA day without humor is a day wasted.â
Transplanted from Scotland to Canada at the tender age of seven, sheâs a voracious reader, bridge player, yoga enthusiast, animal lover, seeker of personal and spiritual growth, pickleball enthusiast, and infrequent but avid gourmet cook. Most of all, she and her husband love to travel. Sheâs swum with sharks in the Galapagos, walked with Bushmen in the Serengeti, sampled lamb criadillas (donât ask!!!) in Iguazu Falls, snorkeled on the Great Barrier Reef, ridden an elephant in Thailand, watched the sun rise over Machu Picchu, and bounced from Johannesburg to Cape Town for 16 days on a bus called âMarulaâ.
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
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Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
Today’s Behind the Rewrite meant a lot to me as author C.E. Flores made her revisions after taking my free editing class, Line Editing Made Simple: 5 Days to More Polished Pages. If you haven’t gone through the course, be sure to sign up. And if you took it a long time ago, sign up again as it now has an online classroom component and interactive quiz. But first, read this informative post from C.E. Flores as she gives a behind the scenes glimpse into polishing up her nonfiction book on herbal remedies.
Recently I published Volume 2 in my Mexican Herbal Remedy series. Since I needed to update the back matter to include information about the second book, I decided to use this opportunity to make some changes to Volume 1. Stacy Jubaâs free course, Line Editing Made Simple: 5 Days to More Polished Pages, helped my editing processes tremendously.
First, I searched through my writing for crutch words as instructed in Lesson 1. Since my non-fiction book focuses on the medicinal uses of certain herbs, would you be surprised to learn that the word âuseâ was entirely overused? I found it in various forms (used, use, using, useful), at least five to ten times per chapter. I rewrote almost all of those sentences using synonyms such as remedy, treatment, therapy, and so on.
Then, from Lesson 3, I went through the book again, looking for the five common offenders (some, that, very, as, just). I found entirely too many instances of âsome,â âthat,â and âjustâ plus my personal nemesis âso.â Those sentences received a little tightening up. Additionally, I took a leaf out of Lesson 5âs book and checked my prepositions. âIn order toâ was there almost as many times as âuseâ had been. Wordy phrases–be gone!
Lesson 4 had me go back through for dangling modifiers that disrupt the meaning of the sentence. I was guilty there as well. Some of the sentences needed complete rewrites. I took this opportunity to reduce passive voice use as well. I most certainly want to say what I mean and mean what I say when writing about these fascinating herbs and be clear about it.
I took to heart Stacyâs comment, âYour job is to finish your manuscript and to make it your best work, a professional book that will stand out from the competition and attract positive attention.â
Since I was on a roll, I made a few additional changes. The herb book was initially designed to record my own experiences with Mexican remedies. After completing Volume 2, I felt like I had a better idea of what I wanted to accomplish and what would appeal more to my readers. So, in my editing process for Volume 1, I took out several personal anecdotes about the herbs and added a bit more history in some cases and scientific support in others.
Then I switched out most of the images with better quality ones. After all, part of learning about the traditional use of these herbs was proper plant identification. A higher resolution image will aid herbalists interested in foraging their own supply. I also changed the cover so that it was more similar to other herb books on the market. With a much-improved manuscript, I republished Exploring Traditional Herbal Remedies in Mexico: An Introduction to Natural Healing. Thanks for your guidance, Stacy!
More About The Book
Curanderos (healers) in Mexico still practice traditional herbal remedies learned centuries ago. It is only recently that scientists have begun to take these healing practices seriously. Study after study has validated the medicinal use of plants native to North America and those brought by the Spanish after the conquest. Itâs time to reexamine the basic healing power in 34 common remedies used by traditional Mexican healers.
InExploring Traditional Herbal Remedies in Mexico: An Introduction to Natural Healing,youâll discover:
34 traditional Mexican remedies
Effective herbal treatments for common ailments
Well-researched scientific support for herbal use
Accurate botanical identification of native Mexican plants
C.E. Flores was born in the Eastern United States and currently lives in central Mexico. She received her Bachelorâs in Education at the University of NebraskaâLincoln and picked up her husband while attending there. She writes about her wild and crazy off-grid life in rural Mexico as well as references books for ex-pats, writers, bloggers, preppers, and herbalists.
Does the thought of editing your book seem overwhelming? If your manuscript could use trimming and polishing, sign up for this free mini course. It features bite-sized concepts and assignments to help you kick-start your line editing.
 Here’s what you’ll learn inside this course, led by author and freelance editor Stacy Juba:
Lesson 1: The one thing that will jump-start your editing.
Lesson 2: Three mistakes you may be making and what to do instead.
Lesson 3: Five little words you need to start cutting now.
Lesson 4: The truth about editing.
Lesson 5: Struggling with wordy sentences? This will help.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
It’s always fascinating to see what goes into the rewrite process. I’m delighted to welcome Amber Lambda, who shares five changes she made to her YA fantasy novel, Halos. Below, Amber, describes the fiction editing techniques she used when revising her book.
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Rewriting and revising a novel takes a lot of patience and willpowerâespecially to change and cut away from your beloved, original ideas! But once you get past that bittersweet feeling, itâs so worth it to see your story grow into something you love even better. Here are five of the biggest changes I made to Halos and canât imagine it without those changes now!
First Chapter Rewrites
As Iâm sure most authors would agree, one of the hardest parts of writing a book is getting the first chapter to work right. I started with the list of things that a first chapter needed and checked it all off. I included the storyâs theme about chasing dreams, my main character, her goals, conflict with her best friend that helped set up the stakes, and a strong hook at the end to pique the readerâs interest and start the story… but something just wasnât clicking. After several readers, and just as many rewrites, I realized I had the answer all along. The elements were all thereâbut they indeed werenât clicking. Instead of being parts of a complete story coming together, they seemed unrelated. With that magical realization, I rewrote it once more, pulling everything together to fit the overall story and genre, and it did the trick. My beta readers loved it, and so did I!
Added POV
When drafting Halos the first time, I wrote from the limited POV of my protagonist, Faye. During my read-through to start revisions, however, part of the story appeared to be missing. I could fill in the details as the author, but it hadnât made it to the page for readers to experience. This inspired me to include the love interestâs POV on the next draft. Adding Icarusâs side of the story not only gave insight into the world and plot where Fayeâs POV didnât cover, but it made Icarusâs character arc much richer, paralleling Fayeâs arc in a way that wasnât shown before.
Expanding A Characterâs Role
Another element that I changed to make more sense for the reader was bringing Fayeâs friend Andrew back into the story at an earlier stage than intended. After relating to Fayeâs main internal conflict in the first chapter, he didnât come up again in person until closer to the end of the story. At first, I brought him back earlier because he reappeared without enough foreshadowing. But his presence also acted as a catalyst for tension throughout the middle of the story, making for a better plot and character motivations.
Removing Characters Who Didnât Serve The Story
On an opposite note, I cut two characters out from the original story. They added drama and complexityâbut that isnât always whatâs best. I found it difficult to layer them into the plot naturally, and they took away from the themes and effect I was aiming for. It was a tough choice, but once I took them out, the message of the story became much clearer and gave more room to emphasize the pieces that highlighted it instead.
Added Connecting Scenes
Have you ever read a book where it almost seemed like you missed something, so you went back to look, and you hadnât? My early drafts had a few places like that, where readers needed a little more shown about what happened between scenes. In some areas, it worked better to summarize instead of adding an entire scene that would feel like filler. But in most places, I fleshed out new scenes to show what happened, while simultaneously showing character interaction and growth, especially for side characters.
In the end, between the added POV, deeper themes, and the extra connecting scenes, my 36-chapter outline turned into a 43-chapter novel, at just the recommended word count for my genre. And my story transformed into a creation I loved more than ever!
More About Halos
Daydreamer Faye Wallace believes her recurring dreams of flying ships have a purpose beyond fantasy. And when Icarusâher swoon-worthy dream boyâknocks on the door, reality is swept away with her heart. Charged with saving the sky world of Halos from a destiny of prophesied doom, Faye embarks on a journey to relive her whimsical visions. Except for one problem: nothing about Halos matches what she remembers. Including Icarus.
Faye must sift truth from imagination and become the girl who saves her dreamsâbefore they create a nightmare she canât return from.
Amber Lambda is a YA romance, fantasy, and soft sci-fi author from the dreamy Midwest plains. Her mission is to write stories clean enough for the younger range of the YA crowd, but laced with themes and ideas that older teens (and adults!) will relate to and love just the same.
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers Freebies including a 5-day line editing course, Facebook group, and resource for naming your characters.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers affordable courses including Book Editing Blueprint: A Step by Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable, Time Management Blueprint for Writers, and the Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
As a freelance developmental editor, I often send long editorial letters and suggest major rewrites. When clients are discouraged, I remind them that I’m an author, too, and can relate to difficult rewrites. However, I’m not entirely sure they believe me! So, I’m going to prove it in two Behind the Rewrite posts, starting with this one focusing on rewriting an old manuscriptâmy young adult ice hockey novel, Offsides. Watch for another post on rewriting my chick lit novel, Fooling Around With Cinderella.These books are about as opposite as you can get, but they share one thing in common.
Heavy rewrites!
I wrote the original version of Offsides, the sequel to my YA hockey novel Face-Off, back in 1992 when I was a teenager. Although Face-Off had been published with great success when I was eighteen, garnering positive reviews in Booklist, Publisher’s Weekly, and School Library Journal, Offsides was rejected by my publisher. There had been a lot of turnover at the company, and all the editors I knew had left. Even though I was receiving fan mail from kids begging for a sequel, the book got rejected with a form letter. At the time, I was incredibly disappointed.
In hindsight, I’m relieved as that story wasn’t ready to be told back then. Twenty-five years later, I rewrote my original draft and published it. The hard copy had been buried in a drawer and I paid someone to scan it so that I could work with it digitally. The published version of Offsides is so much better than the manuscript penned by my 19-year-old self. Part of Face-Off‘s charm is that it was written by a teenager for teenagers. The characters grow quite a bit in the sequel, and I’m glad that I was able to bring a different level of maturity to the story, a maturity that I wasn’t capable of conveying as a teenager. It was also fun updating the book with references to texting and social media.
But more importantly, over the decades, I’ve grown as a writer and editor. My self-editing skills in 1992 and my self-editing skills now aren’t even comparable. Below is an unedited scene from my original draft of Offsides. I’ll let you read it, and then I’ll give you my editorial assessment before sharing the published version. The scene is between two of “my McKendrick boys,” twin hockey players Brad and T.J., the protagonists. They tell the story in alternating viewpoints for each chapter.
Unedited Version From 1992
That night, Brad turned on his side, the moonlight pouring through the window. In the bottom bunk, T.J. shifted. âYou awake?â T.J. asked. âYep.â âCan I tell you something?â âWhat?â âI’m going to BCâ âEven if you get accepted at Harvard?â âI’m not gonna get accepted,â T.J. said.âHow do you know?â âI didn’t apply.â It was quiet except for a car passing outside. Its lights flickered against the wall. âWhat do you mean? You told everyone you did.â âI didn’t want Dad to find out.â âBut he keeps asking you about it. What are you gonna do?â âSay I didn’t.â âAnd let him think you weren’t good enough? T.J., you should tell him the truth,â Brad said. âDo you know how ticked off he’ll be?â âSo let him be. It’s your decision, T.J. You’ve got to take a stand.â âI guess you’re right.â Brad rolled over. âHow come you’re still awake?â T.J. asked. âI’ve been thinking about college, and if I’d still be going if I didn’t have hockey.â âSure you would. I told you, your grades have improved a lot.â âI wouldn’t have a chance at BU.â âYou don’t know that,â T.J. replied. âIt doesn’t matter how you get there, Brad, just as long as you get there.â âI guess. Now do me a favor and shut up. I’m exhausted.â âIf you’d tell Dad about Harvard for me I could get to sleep.â âForget it. I want to reach my eighteenth birthday,â Brad said, and T.J. pushed up on his bunk.
Editorial Notes To Myself
First, the scene is a bit choppy. There’s a lot of dialogue and not much description or internal thought to balance it out. By just reading this passage, it’s not clear whose head we’re supposed to be in. Probably Brad’s, since he is mentioned first, but we never get in his thoughts. Dialogue was always one of my strengths, but I didn’t master deep point of view until my thirties.
Another issue is that the boys, who are high school seniors, are talking about going straight to college to play Division 1 ice hockey. Nowadays, that’s not the typical route. Before joining a D1 men’s hockey team, most players need to delay college and spend time developing their skills in a high-level junior league. I’m not sure how it worked in 1992âwhether thing have changed since then, or whether I just didn’t research it enough and got it all wrong. There was no Internet back then, so research wasn’t as easy as it is today.
The scene also lacks conflict and tension. Below is my final version. I’ll put some notes in bold so you can see why I made these changes.
Final VersionÂ
That night, Brad lay awake in the top bunk, staring at the ceiling. A night light glimmered in the corner and shadows bathed the small television, TV stand, and student desk. All the discussion about junior and college reminded him how drastically his life was changing. His parents splitting up last December with no reconciliation in sight. Playing his final season of high school hockey with friends heâd known for years. And even though Brad believed he had a chance of making the NHL, the long winding road ahead scared the hell out of him. (Note the setting details and internal thought. These additions help us to visualize the room better and clearly establish that Brad is the viewpoint character of this scene.)
What if he didnât like his host family? Even though they got on his nerves, Brad would miss his own boisterous family. What if he didnât click with his new coaches or had a difficult time adjusting to a higher level of play? Then there was Sherry. His friends thought their relationship was a high school thing. Brad thought it was more. If he joined a junior team in the Northeast rather than the Midwest, could he talk her out of Florida? (Note that there is even more internal thought here to help us get deep into Brad’s head. The host family and junior team references were rewrites to reflect a more believable path to D1 hockey.)
In the bottom bunk, T.J. shifted, and the mattress creaked. âYou awake?â
âYeah,â Brad said.
âThanks for trying with Dad. Iâm so sick of him pushing me about college. Itâs probably better Iâm not going next fall. Iâd have no clue what to major in.â
âWhat happened to management and leadership?â
âThatâs just what Iâve been telling scouts. Youâre lucky to have your major picked out.â
Having an interest in broadcasting didnât mean Brad would excel at it. As their father stated, academics wasnât his strength, and college was harder than high school. Brad sighed, his stomach clenching in a knot. (More internal thought to keep the scene in Brad’s POV.)
âWhatâs wrong?â T.J. asked.
It was quiet except for a car driving into the resident parking lot. Brad didnât know how much to admit. What was he supposed to say? That he feared getting homesick and not fitting in? That despite his big talk, he worried that he wouldnât be good enough? (More internal thought. I have gotten much better at deep POV since writing the original draft as a teen.)
âIs it Sherry and the Florida thing?â
âYeah. Itâs Sherry.â Might as well confess that much since T.J. suspected it was bothering him. âIâm wondering whether sheâd stay if I played junior locally.â
âYou mean in the NCDC?â
The National Collegiate Development Conference was a tuition-free junior league in the Northeast, making it an attractive opportunity for players throughout the region. Brad rolled onto his side and peered over the edge of his bed though he couldnât see T.J.âs face in the darkness. (Here I added some more authenticity about junior hockey and a little description.)
âItâs a good league. A lot of their guys are getting commitments. Trey wants to get on one of those teams.â
âYeah, but I thought we were both going for the USHL,â T.J. said.
Theyâd selected the more established USHL as a first choice because so many D1 players and NHL draft picks had ties to the league. Brad and T.J. met some scouts at camp and had been corresponding with several over email. They might not get on the same team, but theyâd agreed this was their ideal steppingstone. (Note how the dialogue in the rewrite has more tension than the original and hints at more problems.)
âWhat, I canât change my mind?â Brad leaned up on his elbow, glaring down at the lower bunk.
âBecause of a girl?â T.J. asked sharply. âYouâre seventeen.â
âSherryâs not just some girl. You have a new girlfriend every other week, so donât go giving me relationship advice.â Brad and Sherry disagreed over how long it would take his brother to dump Kayla. Sherry expected them to attend Prom together. Brad gave it till mid-January before T.J. claimed she was too clingy and moved on to someone else. (This gets us into Brad’s head and also gives insight into T.J.)
Swearing under his breath, T.J. got up and crossed the room. He switched on the light, and Brad winced. âDamn it, T.J.â
T.J. paced in his Bayview T-shirt and sweatpants. They both wore exercise clothes to bed and worked out when they woke up. âEven if you two stayed in New England, how often do you think youâd see her? Your life will revolve around hockey. Youâll have games on weekends, a lot of them away games. Sheâll be busy with school. I donât get the logic here.â
âIâd see her a lot more than if sheâs in Florida and Iâm in freakinâ Nebraska,â Brad growled. (This dialogue is more interesting than in the original as it shows conflict between them.)
âAll Iâm saying is youâll be wrapped up in the team. Do you really think itâs fair to pressure her to give up Florida? I get that youâll miss her. But youâll both come home sometimes. In between, you can FaceTime and text.â (I added the FaceTiming and texting to make it more current for today’s readers.)
Brad flopped onto his back, the fight seeping out of him. âYou think Iâm being selfish?â
âYouâre just not thinking this through.â
âBut long-distance is hard. It might not work.â
âDude, itâs your high school girlfriend. Stop stressing over this. Who knows if youâll even be together next year?â T.J. flicked off the light. (This is a much stronger ending for the scene.)
Want To Read The Book?
Face-Offâs McKendrick brothers return in this explosive sequel, an action-packed hockey book for teens and tweens.
Twin hockey stars T.J. and Brad have finally resolved their differences and forged a friendship on and off the ice. Now high school seniors, they focus on landing a commitment to a D1 school.
What should have been the best year ever takes a nasty hit when the boysâ parents announce their divorce, and Brad makes a mistake that could impact his game eligibility. Meanwhile, T.J. faces off against their father, who opposes his decision to delay college and pursue junior hockey.
Adding to the tension are a rebellious kid brother, girlfriend trouble, and recruiting pressure. The turmoil threatens to drive the twins apart just when they need to work together the most. With a championship title and their futures at stake, T.J. and Brad must fight to keep from going offsides.
I hope you enjoyed this sneak peek into my writing and editing process! Maybe it will inspire some of you to rewrite an old manuscript. There are some manuscripts in my drawer that will remain there, but Offsides was one that I knew had potential.
You’re probably aware that I’m a freelance editor and creator of online courses for writers. (If you don’t know that, then feel free to explore my website!)
I’ve also written books about theme park princesses, teen psychics, U.S. flag etiquette for kids, and determined women sleuths. I’ve had novels ranked as #5 and #11 in the Nook Store and #30 on the Amazon Kindle Paid List. You can learn more about my books on my other websites.
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers Freebies including a 5-day line editing course, Facebook group, and resource for naming your characters.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers affordable courses including Book Editing Blueprint: A Step by Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable, the Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions, and Time Management Blueprint: Transform Your Life and Finish Your Book.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
I’m always fascinated by how authors approach the rewrite process, but there’s one type of project I’ve never considered before: turning a script into a book. When I was researching SEO tags for this post, I discovered that lots of people search for phrases like “how to turn a script into a novel.” Well, author D.G. Driver has valuable tips for you and she shares them in the below Behind the Rewrite. D.G. will take you behind the scenes of revising her script for Songwriter Night: A Musical Romance into book form. That’s right. It wasn’t just any script. It was a script for a musical! I’m sure you’ll find this post as intriguing as I did.
In addition to being a writer, Iâm also an actress and theater director here in Nashville. Last year, when all the theaters in town closed, lots of theater types were creating virtual ways to do shows. I got a crazy idea to combine my novel writing skills with my love of musical theater and decided to write a story that featured songs, hire a cast to record it, and release it as a full cast audiobook called Songwriter Night: A Musical Romance.
Only there was a hitch. In order to have it available on Audible, there had to be a corresponding book. Well, even though the narration in the book is novelesque, I wrote Songwriter Night in script format. I had to revise and reformat the whole manuscript. The narration and dialogue remain 95 percent the same, but there were some definite snags that I want to share with you that makes up that other 5 percent. Hereâs how I handled them and what I learned.
How To Write The Song Lyrics
There are twelve songs in Songwriter Night. Most of these have the typical verse-chorus-verse-chorus-bridge-chorus structure typical of Country music. It felt tedious to have so much repetition of lyrics in the book version. Also, the reader canât hear the songs like in the audiobook version, so I had to figure out how to help the reader imagine what the songs sound like. Here is an example of how I did this for one of the songs.
In this scene, Aiden, a former member of the group whoâs hit the big time, has come back to show off one of his new songs, and heâs brought backup singers to sing it with him.
The three of them sing the chorus again. Instead of a bridge, the song repeats the last half of the verse, similar to the way Lyle had written his song.
âYou took her on one date, and I took her to prom.â She didnât stick with either of us very long. What do you say to finally letting that rest? Clink my beer and letâs reminisce.â
A slightly longer hold on the chord builds up to the final chorus, where Aiden embellishes the notes. Trish wonders if a key change might have been effective here, but she doesnât think itâs her place to suggest it. Aiden repeats the final line of the chorus with a nice run on âold daysâ and a chord change to emphasize it. The girls end the song with some pretty âoohsâ that remind her of songs from another era. Nice choice.
Action In Narration Versus Dialogue Tags
One real plus to writing a script is that I donât have to write âHe said/she saidâ dialogue tags at all. With this being a full cast recording, all the actors are played by different people with distinct voices. I didnât need to write who said what. Personally, I love books where instead of using tags, the author uses action from the character to denote who is speaking. I did this a lot more for this project than my other works. It needed a little revision from the way it looked in a script to what it needed to be for a book, though.
Hereâs an example from the audiobook script:
NARRATOR: Maybe she should sing a cappella. Does anyone do that here? TRISH: Is there anything to drink? LYLE: Yeah. What do you want? NARRATOR: Lyle leaps out of his chair before Trish even thinks about standing and getting the drink for herself. She looks past him at the assortment on the counter. TRISH: Water will be fine. Thank you. LYLE: Happy to be of service. NARRATOR: He hands her the water, and their fingers overlap for a moment. His fingertips are callused from playing guitar, and they scratch her knuckles ever so slightly as he whisks his hand away. She opens the bottle and puts it to her mouth, hoping he wonât see her blushing.
Now, hereâs the same scene reformatted for the book.
Maybe she should sing a cappella. Does anyone do that here? âIs there anything to drink?â she asks. âYeah. What do you want?â Lyle leaps out of his chair before Trish even thinks about standing and getting the drink for herself. She looks past him at the assortment on the counter. âWater will be fine. Thank you.â âHappy to be of service.â He hands her the water, and their fingers overlap for a moment. His fingertips are callused from playing guitar, and they scratch her knuckles ever so slightly as he whisks his hand away. She opens the bottle and puts it to her mouth, hoping he wonât see her blushing.
Adding Dialogue Tags
So, I couldnât get away completely with narration guiding the reader toward who is speaking, especially in scenes where there are more than two people having a conversation. I definitely had to use dialogue tags. I will tell you, when your main job is to go through your manuscript and tag dialogue, it gets awfully repetitive writing âhe saysâ and âshe saysâ over and over. You become intensely aware of how often youâre writing that. On the other, hand, you donât want your tags to be too all over the place or filled with unnecessary adverbs. Then it gets annoying.
Hereâs a group scene from the original script:
NARRATOR: Tammy huffs instead of answers. George raises an eyebrow to acknowledge that he won that round. The rest of the group is frozen in uncomfortable silence. NEIL: So, uh, are we continuing or not? GEORGE: Yeah, letâs go on. NARRATOR: George strums his guitar, and Neil begins to play. TAMMY: Youâre all going to sit here and let him embarrass me like this. ROY: It sounds like a good song. A real tears in my beer heartbreaker. ODETTA: Iâm interested to hear how the rest of it goes. Sad songs are the clay that Country music builds with. NARRATOR: George looks at Lyle who gives him an approving nod. TAMMY: Iâd like to point out that the middle part â the chorus? Thatâs mine. I wrote that. GEORGE: You did not. TAMMY: I did.
And hereâs the novelized version. Note the variety in the tags:
After a moment, Neil asks cautiously, âSo, uh, are we continuing or not?â âYeah, letâs go on.â George strums his guitar, and Neil begins to play. Tammy says to the group, âYouâre all going to sit here and let him embarrass me like this?â The music stops again. âIt sounds like a good song,â Roy responds. âA real tears-in-my-beer heartbreaker.â Odetta agrees, âIâm interested to hear how the rest of it goes. Sad songs are the clay that Country music builds with.â George looks at Lyle who gives him an approving nod. Tammyâs not done yet. âIâd like to point out that the middle part â the chorus? Thatâs mine. I wrote that.â âYou did not,â George says. âI did.â She sings a cappella to a tune very similar to the chorus of Georgeâs song. When I write first drafts, it is sometimes the dialogue tags that cause me to trip up or hit a block. I want to keep going with the action and dialogue and not waste time figuring out how to show who is saying what. Writing in script format first and then going back through the manuscript to adapt it to book format helped make this a more streamlined process. I may try this again with other projects.
More About Songwriter Night: A Musical Romance
In this sweet romantic comedy, Lyle and Trish are two aspiring Country music songwriters that meet at a Nashville coffee house. With Trish being new in town, Lyle invites her to his monthly gathering of songwriters to get to know her better. The evening of quirky characters and light-hearted singing is interrupted by the arrival of Aiden Bronson. He’s got a hit song on the radio, and he’s back to show off, stirring up some rivalry while he’s at it. How will Lyle compete against Aiden’s charisma and talent in order to win Trish’s heart?
Buy it in ebook and paperback formats on Amazon. Itâs also available as a full cast audiobook recording wherever you like to get your audiobooks and podcasts. Find all those links, hear samples, and meet the cast on D.G.’s website.
More About D.G. Driver
D.G. Driver is a multi-award-winning author of young adult and middle grade books. She primarily writes contemporary fantasy, but she also loves writing realistic fiction and has even dabbled in romance. D.G. lives near Nashville, TN and is a teacher in an inclusive classroom of typically developing and special needs children in an early Intervention program. Visit her on the web at:
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers Freebies including a 5-day line editing course, Facebook group, and resource for naming your characters.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers affordable courses including Book Editing Blueprint: A Step by Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable and the Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
I see a lot of writers who need to learn the logistics of making sentences less passive. In this Behind the Rewrite, Liesel K Hill explains why limiting passive voice is important and how she approached line editing her fantasy novel Dragon Magic. Since Liesel is both a writing coach and an author, you’re in for an insightful lesson.
As a writing coach, one of the main problems I see is authors failing to edit passive voice out of their manuscripts. Most of us, especially after our first book or two, know what it is, but I donât think enough emphasis is put on the importance of learning this skill.
If readers cannot connect deeply with your words, which passive voice keeps them from doing, youâll never create megafans. One of my secret sauce editing techniques is what I call editing for crutch words. Crutch words are words used too often by you, the author. Theyâre also red flags for passive voice. So, if you edit out the crutch word, you also edit out ninety percent of passive voice.
Some of the crutch words I edit for are âwas,â âbut,â âhad,â and âthat.â There are plenty of others as well, but these are some of the biggest culprits for me personally.
I edit for these intentionally, not just reading through my manuscript and hoping I catch them, but actually using the Find feature in my writing software to look at each, individual case.
Unedited Version
Iâve highlighted the crutch words and other issues in the passage below, which comes from my WIP, a medieval high fantasy novel.
   âYou cannot beat me!â He practically shrieked. He stalked forward and thrust his face toward Boriladâs. âYou are merely a soldier! I am fierce! I am formidable! I have powers you cannot wield or even comprehend. I will kill you, General. You know I can do it. You know I will.”
   Borilad noted thatMalicroft did not even attempt to take the egg, thought it was within his grasp. The man knew better. Boriladhadto give him credit for that, at least.
   He merely nodded. âI know you have powers I do not possess. I know you are willing and capable of killing me. I’ve always believed you a formidable enemy, Malcroft.â
   Leaning forward, Borilad peered into the man’s eyes. âBut do not insult me by leaving me out of the equation. I’ve killed more men on battlefields than you’ve met in your entire life. I wield plenty of power, after my own fashion.â
Most of these words can be edited many ways, depending on how theyâre used in the sentence. It generally boils down to the word being filler, meaning you can cut it without changing the meaning of the sentence. (And you should.) Or, itâs a vague word and you can come up with something much stronger and more specific. (Which again, you should.)
1. âWasâ is a lazy and vague word. Switch it out with something more specific. I chose the word âlay.â
2. Thatâ can often simply be edited out. Unless youâre using it for emphasis, which I did with my second instance, it can simply be cut.
3. âHadâ can often be cut without changing the sentence as well. In this case, this phrase is more a matter of far too many words to say the same thing. âhad to giveâ became âgave.â I often see this with the word âcouldâ as well. Something like, âcould hearâ can becomes simply, âheard.â The past tense, single word is much tighter and stronger than its more progressive counterpart.
4. It also occurred to me that this is a medieval fantasy and âcreditâ is too contemporary a term. I changed the core word to ârecognitionâ and Borilad ârecognized him for that, at least.â
5. There are many instances where âbutâ must be kept in a sentence, especially if youâre making a comparison. BUT, I use it far too often, as many authors do. ;DGo through each instance, read the sentence, and if you can cut it, do. Thatâs what I did here. If you make too many comparison sentences, consider splitting them into two separate ones. For example, âHe wanted to go to the store but couldnât find his walletâ can become, âHe wanted to go to the store. He couldnât find his wallet.â Depending on your prose, that may sound clunky, so youâll have to see if it works for each instance, but youâll find that often this works to cut down on overuse of the word.
Edited Version
Here is the edited passage. Youâll note a few other typos and issues that Iâve also fixed.
   âYou cannot beat me,â he practically shrieked. He stalked forward and thrust his face toward Boriladâs. âYou are merely a soldier! I am fierce! I am formidable! I have powers you cannot imagine. I will kill you, General. You know I can do it! You know I will.â
   Borilad noted Malcroft did not attempt to take the egg, though it lay within his grasp. The man knew better. Borilad recognized him for that, at least.
   He merely nodded. âI know you have powers I do not possess. I know you are willing and capable of killing me. I’ve always believed you a formidable enemy, Malcroft.â Leaning forward, Borilad peered into the man’s eyes. âDo not insult me by leaving me out of the equation. I’ve killed more men on battlefields than you’ve met in your entire life. I wield plenty of power, after my own fashion.â
This story, book 1 of my Dragon Magic series, wonât debut until early 2021. Until then, you can read the prequel, The Hatching. Get it on most major retailers, or download it free here.
More About The Hatching
What if a dragon looked into your eyesâĤand saw into your soul? Wenlyn dreams of seeing one of the legendary Harpyâs Servants up close. As a poor village boy, he canât help but dream of the adventures the dragon-riding protectors of the Six Realms must have. Now one of them has come to Tranquil village.
With the Servant’s arrival, Wenlynâs entire world falls away. He’s about to embark on an adventure of his own that even his wildest dreams couldnât have conjured up. Soar the skies with Wenlyn in this short prequel to Dragon Magic, an epic fantasy series.
Liesel K Hill is a novelist who writes across three genres. Her scifi and fantasyare written under her full name, Liesel K. Hill. She loved to read and write at a young age, and her earliest memories consist of her father sitting in the doorway of her room at night, relating stories of Frodo, Gandalf, and the One Ring. Her mother also read to her every afternoon as a child, sometimes for several hours a day. Today she is an award-winning author and a Story Clarity Coach. She plans to keep writing until they nail her coffin shut. Or the Second Coming happens. Whichever comes first. ;D
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers Freebies including a 5-day line editing course, Facebook group, and resource for naming your characters.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers affordable courses including Book Editing Blueprint: A Step by Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable and the Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
How do you increase the word count in a novel when the book is too short? In today’s Behind the Rewrite, author Clarissa Gosling gives us a glimpse into how she fleshed out her YA fantasy Dragon Shift during the editing process. Writing too short is an issue that many writers struggle with, especially after they trim the fat and tighten their sentences. Below, you can see how Clarissa handled this common problem.
Change #1: Add Description
I write short, so before I go through and line edit I have to add in more details. My first draft is a whizz through the story and what happens, but is incredibly light on description. I think this is because I often skim over any description when I’m reading, so the first thing I have to do is go through and sprinkle in descriptions of the characters and the settings. Having a clear picture of what my characters look like is often one of the last things I know about them, sometimes not til I’m fairly well into the editing process. The same for details of the settings. It is only when I’m going through to revise that I search online for images or details that I can use. And in every scene, I aim to include details from other senses as well as what it look like. This adds to the variety and makes it more immersive for the reader. For Dragon Shift, I also chopped the first two scenes from my first draft and the last five scenes to tighten the pacing.
Change #2: Add Emotion
As well as adding in description, I look for ways to add in emotion. I find The Emotion Thesaurus an invaluable resource for this as it gives so many options for ways you can show the emotion of your characters. And showing not telling is the maximum for good fiction. So for every scene I think about the emotions that the main characters are going through and how I can portray that through their actions. Do they bite their lip or cross their arms and frown? And adding in their body language helps to break up dialogue and make it clear who is speaking without saying he said, she said all the time. (Note from Stacy: Also check out my Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions e-book and mini course for another tool about body language and emotions.)
Change #3: Include Specific Fantastical Details
My story is an epic fantasy set in another world with shifters, dragons and magic, so I want to portray that through my word use. Terms for measuring time and distance, the way they talk about magic, etc, these all need to be consistent and some to be different from what we use in the real world. For example, in my story the main way they measure time is with water clocks, so I used the words drib, dram and drogue for increasing lengths of time. It is a reminder that their time measurement is dependent on water when their terms for time are also based on liquid measures. Then I hope that the way I use those words makes their meaning clear in the text. This is a way I can show that there are differences between my fictional world and our real one. These terms add flavour and interest in an easy way, though choosing them so that they are internally consistent with how your world works takes a lot of thinking. And you need to make sure you donât overdo this. Choose which terms you want to change and then keep others the same so that you donât overwhelm your readers.
Change #4: Check Consistency
As I go through my first draft I look for consistency. On a large scale this is consistency in things like Point of View. As I read through Dragon Shift, I realised I had started writing the story in first person, but after a few chapters I changed to close third. On going through to revise it, I decided to switch the first section to close third to keep it all the same.
On a smaller scale, this is looking at how things work and what I’ve called them. For example, the main mode of transport in my world, at least for those who can afford it, are magically powered barges that sail through the air. As I had written my first draft I had changed the names of these through the course of the story, so in revising I picked one term (floatship) and used that the whole time.
Change #5: Increase The Romance
Though the main change I had to make was increasing the romance in the story. My first draft went from her first impression of him as a “gangly, pimply boy, a couple of years younger than her,” through very little interaction, to a heartfelt and emotional scene at the end. (I can’t say more about the end scene without giving away too many spoilers.) Needless to say, he is now a couple of years older than her, a bit more attractive-looking, and I’ve elaborated on their relationship through the story as they get to know each other. There are now more scenes where they talk more and learn about each other, as well as showing how they interact during group scenes. Increasing the screen time for the two of them together automatically develops their relationship to, I hope, a level where the final scene is more believable rather than coming out of nowhere.
At least, this was my intention to do. If you are interested to see how well I managed this then read Dragon Shift, the first in my new YA Fantasy series.
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Half-bear-shifter half-dragon in a world where dragons are thought extinct, Birgith must face the ultimate test of her shifting ability to be accepted as an adult in the Bear-shifter clan.
If Birgith manifests any sign that she has dragon blood, she will be killed immediately and her dragon family hunted, as they are feared by all four clans in the continent of Kaitstud. But when the test comes, she is unable to shift at all. So she is exiled and classed as a human, with all the restrictions on her that designation entails. Leaving behind everything sheâs ever known, Birgith sets out on a perilous journey away from her forest home to make peace with her dual heritage. A journey to find her hidden dragon family. A journey that puts her life and theirs at risk. Or that will help her embrace who she truly is.
The first in an exciting new series for readers who love magic, adventure and strong female characters.
Clarissa has always lived more in the world of daydream and fiction than in reality. In her writing she explores purpose and belonging across worlds. Having never found her own portal to faeryland, she is resigned to writing about fantastical worlds instead. She now lives in the Netherlands with her family, where she writes as much as they will let her. When not reading or writing, she drinks too much tea and has a burgeoning obsession with Bundt cakes.
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers Freebies including a 5-day line editing course, Facebook group, and resource for naming your characters.
Check out Shortcuts for Writers affordable courses including Book Editing Blueprint: A Step by Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable and the Energize Your Writing Toolkit: Cheat Sheets for Character Emotions.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
When I read Judy Penz Sheluk’s Behind the Rewrite post, I chuckled as boy, does it ring true! We all have crutch words and phrases that we rely on when we’re talking to others. It drives me crazy when I listen to myself in a podcast interview and hear myself say “you know.” Writers also have to worry about using crutch words in their books. One of my favorite, (okay, overused) words in my own fiction is “as.” As a developmental editor, I’ve discovered that EVERY writer has their favorite overused words. Judy’s post is a great lesson for beginner writers and a terrific reminder for seasoned authors.
It was while golfing this past summer that I first noticed it. Every time one of my foursome hit an errant shotâand there were manyâsheâd say, âAre you kidding me?â At first, I found it amusing. After a while, I started counting the number of times sheâd say it. I stopped at seventeen.
I remember thinking, at the time, that I could never get away with that in a novel. True, characters have quirks, and dialogue needs to be authentic, but too many âAre you kidding meâsâ and the reader is going to find it distracting at best, and annoying at worst.Â
That thought was firmly in my mind when I was rereading Where Thereâs A Will, the third and final book in my Glass Dolphin cozy mystery series, before sending out ARCs and getting the manuscript ready for my proofreader.Â
Because Iâd already read the book more times than I cared to remember, and because it had gone through four beta readers, I didnât expect to find any instances of âAre you kidding me?â and I didnât. What I did find was an inordinate number of âgiven this or thatâĤâ And when I say inordinate I mean twenty-nine. How had I missed those? How had everyone else?
Since the âgivensâ were scattered throughout the book, Iâm going to share six examples, before and after.Â
Example #1
Before: The break-up with Hudson had caused a few minor ripples in Emilyâs life, given that she had recently become engaged to his best friend, Luke Surmanski, but it was nothing they couldnât work around.
After: The break-up with Hudson had caused a few minor ripples in Emilyâs life. She had recently become engaged to his best friend, Luke Surmanski, but it was nothing they couldnât work around.
Example #2
Before: Emily had hesitated at first, given what she knew about the propertyâs history. How many people wanted to buy a house where the owner had been murdered, especially since the case had never been solved?
After: Didnât change a word. Some âgivensâ are okay, and I thought it worked well in this instance.
Example #3
Before: Emily didnât believe him, given that he was the CEO of Pemberton Productions and his TV show had been a ratings winner for the past five seasons.
After: Emily didnât believe him. He was the CEO of Pemberton Productions and his TV show had been a ratings winner for the past five seasons.
Example #4
Before: Arabella wanted to laugh out loud. Trust Poppy to refer to a murder as a âcircumstance.â Then again, maybe she was being a hypocrite, given that sheâd just signed a contract with Faye Everett.
After: Arabella wanted to laugh out loud. Trust Poppy to refer to a murder as a âcircumstance.â Then again, maybe she was being a hypocrite, since sheâd just signed a contract with Faye Everett.
Example #5
Before: In Arabellaâs experience, all secrets tended to weigh heavily, given enough time and perspective.
After: In Arabellaâs experience, all secrets tended to weigh heavily, with enough time and perspective.
Example #6
Before: They agreed to split up, Levon staying at the Hadley house to finish the appraisal, time being of the essence given this latest set of circumstances, and Arabella charged with finding a lawyer.
After: They agreed to split up, Levon staying at the Hadley house to finish the appraisal, time being of the essence with this latest set of circumstances, and Arabella charged with finding a lawyer.
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Emily Garland is getting married and looking for the perfect forever home. When the old, and some say haunted, Hadley house comes up for sale, sheâs convinced itâs âthe one.â The house is also perfect for reality TV star Miles Pemberton and his new series, House Haunters. Emily will fight for her dream home, but Pembertonâs pockets are deeper than Emilyâs, and heâll stretch the rules to get what he wants.
While Pemberton racks up enemies all around Lountâs Landing, Arabella Carpenter, Emilyâs partner at the Glass Dolphin antiques shop, has been hired to appraise the contents of the estate, along with her ex-husband, Levon. Could the feuding beneficiaries decide thereâs a conflict of interest? Could Pemberton?
Things get even more complicated when Arabella and Levon discover another will hidden inside the house, and with it, a decades-old secret. Can the property stay on the market? And if so, who will make the winning offer: Emily or Miles Pemberton?
A former journalist and magazine editor, Judy Penz Sheluk is the author of two mystery series: the Glass Dolphin Mysteries and the Marketville Mysteries. Her short crime fiction appears in several collections, including The Best Laid Plans and Heartbreaks & Half-truths, which she also edited. Judy is a member of Sisters in Crime, International Thriller Writers, the Short Mystery Fiction Society, and Crime Writers of Canada, where she serves as Chair on the Board of Directors.Â
Book Editing Blueprint: A Step-By-Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable â Learn how to streamline the editing process in this affordable, self-paced online course that will empower beginner and intermediate writers to think like an editor so they can save time and money. A steppingstone to hiring an editor.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
Mystery author Nancy Lynn Jarvis gives us a peek into her editing process in today’s Behind the Rewrite. Nancy shares five of her biggest changes, which include inserting and fact-checking small details. Adding these authentic details in fiction can flesh out your book and make your story world come alive, but it’s important that they’re well-researched. Below, read about the changes Nancy made in her novel The Funeral Murder.
Change #1: Trimming Overused Words
Most of us have favorite words we overuse which are difficult for us to recognize. In The Funeral Murder, I discovered my word was âso.â Occasionally it was a deliberate use of the word as a particular characterâs speech pattern, but most of the time, I simply used the word where it wasnât necessary. During the editing process, I deleted over half the times I used the word to make the book read better.
Change #2: Maximizing Tension
I tend to like details and research which works well with my protagonist, Pat Pirard, because she started the series as a law librarian, but when it comes to writing a dramatic confrontation-with-the-killer scene, I needed help. Fortunately, I have an accomplished tension-writer as a friend. She read the scene and made suggestions. Reworking the confrontation made it faster paced and more threatening.
Change #3: Adding Descriptive Details
My protagonist sometimes enlists the help of her best friend for capers when questioning suspects. Syda Gonzales, Patâs BFF, is an artist in search of her medium and is game for anything Pat suggests. I get to make Syda dress the part. Figuring out how Syda looks at any given time is fun and enriches her character. I often change details about her during rewrites.
Change #4: Researching Authentic Details
I want what Iâm saying to be accurate so I research, research, research. When I think I have details down, I pick up the phone and call an expert and then edit to include their precise expertise. Itâs always fun to do. For The Funeral Murder, I was able to find out how and where my villain could procure batrachotoxin. It turns out itâs not easy to come by which was great for the book.
Change #5: Taming The Cat!
The final edits I made were centered around Patâs cat, Lord Peter Wimsey. Heâs a bit of a hero in the book and because what he does stretches reality for what a cat might do, I needed to make sure his movements were reasonable and feline-like. Wimsey is based on a long dead cat of mine who definitely would do what Wimsey wound up doing for another animal.
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In The Glass House, the first book in the PIP Inc. Mysteries series, Pat Pirard, recently downsized Santa Cruz Law Librarian, needed to find a new job in a hurry. She printed business cards announcing she was Private Investigator Pat and crossed her fingers, hoping she could earn enough money working for attorneys as a PI to survive.
Patâs first investigation went well, so sheâs excited when she gets a call from an estate attorney who offers her a second job. The attorney tells Pat his client died at a funeral and he needs help sorting out who is entitled to inherit her estate.Â
Pat quickly discovers the dead womanâs past is as complicated as her estate. And when an autopsy indicates she had two deadly toxins in her body when she died, Patâs new case becomes not only complicated, but dangerous.
Nancy Lynn Jarvis left the real estate profession after she started having so much fun writing the Regan McHenry Real Estate Mysteries series that she let her license lapse. After earning a BA in behavioral science from San Jose State University, Nancy worked in the advertising department of the San Jose Mercury News. A move to Santa Cruz meant a new job as a librarian and later a stint as the business manager for Shakespeare/Santa Cruz at UCSC. Currently sheâs enjoying being a member of Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, and Santa Cruz Women of Mystery.
Book Editing Blueprint: A Step-By-Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable â Learn how to streamline the editing process in this affordable, self-paced online course that will empower beginner and intermediate writers to think like an editor so they can save time and money. A steppingstone to hiring an editor.
Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
I see a lot of writers who need to learn the logistics of making sentences less passive. In this Behind the Rewrite, 
