In this Behind the Rewrite post, Jann Everard shares her experience revising a short story for inclusion in her short fiction collection. Despite the story’s previous publications, Jann saw an opportunity to strengthen the piece further. Below, she reflects on why she chose to revisit a published story and how those edits ultimately improved the narrative.
Prior to being included in my short fiction collection Blue Runaways (Stonehewer Books, 2024), The Bus Stops Here had been published in Canadian journal The Fiddlehead and an anthology entitled Best New Writing 2015. Yet it still underwent the most line editing/revision of the twelve stories in the collection—making it crisper and more consistent with the quality and themes of the other stories.
Openness to editing a story that has been previously published can be a challenge. The published version might be fixed in the writer’s mind. Distance from the story helps to see it with fresh eyes, as does reading it within the context of the surrounding stories and carrying a mental checklist of revision tactics from one story to another.
Edits included:
✅Using one word instead of two, e.g., thought about became considered.
✅Deleting words and phrases to stay on point. The character is focused on her hygiene after a long bus ride. The references to eating in fast food joints distracted from that and could be deleted.
✅Letting the reader make their own connections. Spelling out what a shower does (e.g., “… to wash away the mustiness”) wasn’t necessary. Nor was it necessary to say the character is backpacking, given her actions. Delete, delete, delete.
✅Taking advantage of a previously missed opportunity to hint at the character’s backstory and why she cares so little about her nighttime routine. Having “anxious thoughts” was vague, while being ambivalent about taking a birth control pill is more specific.
Original
It took only five minutes to unroll and inflate my sleeping pad, pull my sleeping bag from its compression sack and fold my fleece into a makeshift pillow. I thought about going back to the lodge to brush my teeth, but really, what did it matter? I wouldn’t be kissing anyone tonight. Or anytime soon, for that matter.
I’d been denying this fact for days. On the bus, I’d slept, and mechanically followed the others off the bus into rest stops with grimy bathrooms and greasy fast food joints. I’d sat near my fellow travellers, parroting their actions as I put food in my mouth, chewed and swallowed. I’d tied my greasy hair back into an unflattering ponytail, applied my deodorant stick layer over layer—no shower in between to wash away the mustiness.
Now, lying flat on my back in the dark, specks of mould on the tepee’s white canvas like a reverse palette of the night sky above me, reality set in. I had no one to soothe away my anxious thoughts. I was on this backpacking trip alone.
Final Version
It took only five minutes to unroll and inflate my sleeping pad, pull my sleeping bag from its compression sack and fold my fleece into a makeshift pillow. I considered going back to the lodge to brush my teeth. On the bus, I’d mechanically followed the others into rest stops with grimy bathrooms. Chipped porcelain and discoloured mirrors. Beside my fellow travellers, I’d tied my greasy hair back into an unflattering ponytail, applied my deodorant stick layer over layer instead of showering. At the top of my backpack was a zippered bag holding individually-wrapped face wipes, travel-sized bottles of lotion, a blister pack that held my pills. It didn’t seem to matter anymore if I took one at the usual time or not.
Now, lying flat on my back in the dark, specks of mould on the tepee’s white canvas like a reverse palette of the night sky above me, reality set in. No one but me would notice whether my face was washed or my rough elbows softened with lotion. No one else would share my tube of toothpaste. I was alone.
About Blue Runaways
Some of the women in Blue Runaways are grieving. Some are looking for a second chance. All are at a turning point. From Iceland to Bali, from Canada’s cities to its wild and expansive backcountry, the characters in this collection face the most human of fears: that dear ones die, love is a risk, and no promise is certain.
As diverse in situation as it is controlled in theme, this collection serves as a multifaceted exploration of loss, love, and what it takes to move on. With a keen eye for landscape and an uncanny knack for inhabiting hearts and minds, Everard ventures into her character’s darkest days. By confronting the sorrow of being alive, Blue Runaways reveals the joy of knowing we are not alone.
Buy it on Amazon here
About the Author
Jann Everard is an award-winning writer whose stories have been published in Canada, the United States, Australia, and New Zealand in journals including: The Malahat Review, The Fiddlehead, The New Quarterly, Prairie Fire, Grain, The Humber Literary Review, EVENT Magazine, Room Magazine, and The Dalhousie Review. Born in Halifax, Jann settled in Toronto, where she worked in health administration and raised two sons. A life-long traveller and outdoorswoman, she now makes her home on Vancouver Island — hiking, kayaking, writing, and being inspired by nature.
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