
Behind The Rewrite With Suzanne Jefferies: Fleshing Out A Scene @suzannjefferies
Do you ever have a tendency to underwrite the scenes in your first draft and realize that you need to do some fleshing out in your rewrites? In today’s Behind The Rewrite, romance author Suzanne Jefferies talks about exactly that situation and shares a before and after except from her novel The Ex Factor.
Suzanne’s Behind The Rewrite
Revising, rewriting, and polishing all seem like dirty words to the writer who wants to write, write, write. But, the editing and rewriting process makes all difference between a not-quite-there manuscript and a finished one.
I have a tendency to underwrite rather than overwrite, meaning that I always have to go back and flesh out actions, settings and dialogue. In this passage, during the writing process, I knew what it was I wanted to say, but my âshort–handâ first draft would leave a reader completely confused.
These were the major edits to this extract from The Ex-Factor:
1. Sylvie became Sylvia
2. I elaborated where necessary (underwritingâs inevitable outcome). So, in the first line of description, Iâve added âas she stretched,â otherwise, why is her back arched? Unless, she sits like that normallyâĤ!
3. I switched the entire manuscript from third person to first person. You can see where I missed one in the line, âI poured himself a coffee.â
4. The paragraph that starts, âShe looked at me from under her false eyelashesâĤâ was too long winded and verged on whiny. He and his wife were still friends, but I didnât want him to sound bitter. I switched the verb tense from present participles to infinitives which clipped the writing tighter. Also, I edited out the âwoe is meâ explanation.
5. Sylviaâs dialogue has changed to be more in keeping with her go-getter personality. The addition of âIâm busy, youâre busy. Saturday is just another day to bring home the big ones. Besides, I thought youâd like to see how our baby is doing,â lets the reader know sheâs there to talk about business with her ex-husband, even if itâs a Saturday morning.But, I left in the line âCâmon, Jackles, you know you want to,â because she is flirty with him. As it read in the âbeforeâ, she just sounds flirty which was the wrong vibe altogether.
6. I added the thought, âWas it too early for a shot of whisky with that?â to further elaborate that although he didnât relish the barging in on his wife, he wasnât angry. The last thing I wanted my reader to think was that he had unresolved issues with his ex-wife (because thatâs not what the storyâs about!)
Original Scene
Sylvie arched her back upwards, revealing the perfect curves of her breasts. Once upon a time that move would have rendered me as ravenous as a rabid dog for her. Not anymore. I was older and I sure as heck was wiser.
âI thought we could have a look and see how our baby was doing.â
I knew no such thing. âYou could have called first.â
âEvidently. You two? I had no idea. Is it serious?â
âWeâll see.â I poured himself a coffee.
Rewritten Scene
Sylvia arched her back upwards, revealing the perfect curves of her breasts as she stretched. Once upon a time that move would have rendered me as ravenous as a rabid dog for her. Not any more. I was older and I sure as heck was wiser. âIâm busy, youâre busy. Saturday is just another day to bring home the big ones. Besides, I thought youâd like to see how our baby is doing.â She looked up at me from under her false eyelashes. I could almost see the glue holding them in place. How well I remembered the time it took to put those lashes on. And to straighten the hair, and to apply the body lotion, and to touch up her nailsâĤand how little time she took to actually listen to anything Iâd said. âCâmon Jackles, you know you want to.â
I knew no such thing. âYou could have called first.â
âEvidently. You two? I had no idea. Is it serious?â
âWeâll see.â I poured myself some coffee. Was it too early for a shot of whisky with that?
Want To Read The Rest Of The Book?
The Ex Factor by Suzanne Jefferies (The Jozi Series, Book 3) – Heâs a six pack. Sheâs fine champagne. Heâs the race track. Sheâs the theatre. But, Jacques past is Madgeâs present – can they see a future together?
Madge Everson, a committed commitment-phobe has an elaborate series of rules and regulations around dating, all designed to keep Mr. Right far, far away. But she didnât bank on Jacques de Villiers, a supposed playboy who keeps her on her toes, negotiating her emotional barbed wire. Just when she thought it was safe to trust again, she finds out that he has an ex in his closetâĤnot only a woman she knows but a woman she strives to be.
More About Suzanne
Join her Facebook group Suzanneâs Sinners, Saints & Lovers, follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or visit her at www.suzannejefferies.com.
Opportunities For Writers
Are you an author interested in writing a Behind the Rewrite guest blog post? Get the guidelines here.
Are you a writer who could use some editing tips? Check out Stacyâs free resources:
Line Editing Made Simpleâ5 Days to More Polished Pages â Free e-mail class packed with line editing tips
Shortcuts for Writers: Editing Made Simple Facebook group â Download the guide, 7 Simple Steps to Nailing Your Book Blurb in Unit 1.
How To Name Your Characters: Tips Every Fiction Writer Should Know â Check out this extensive post on naming your characters, an informative video tour of 7 character-naming sites, and a free PDF guide that summarizes all the information.
Book Editing Blueprint: A Step-By-Step Plan to Making Your Novels Publishable â Learn how to streamline the editing process in this affordable, self-paced online course that will empower beginner and intermediate writers to think like an editor so they can save time and money. A steppingstone to hiring an editor.

Hi there! I’m Stacy Juba, an author, freelance editor, and the founder of Shortcuts for Writers. I’d love to connect. If you’re a writer, here are a few ways we can work together:Â
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